Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Laying It All Out There: CIM Goals

Let's be honest. I've avoided this blog. Things have sucked lately.

This year has been rocky, to say the least. I quit my long-standing job, started a new job, lost said job after 6 weeks, filed for unemployment, started a new job, and all in the span of... 3 months. (That's a lot of change for this "I loves me a good routine" freak.) My cat went from healthy to sick, and last weekend I lost him to cancer. The only things I've really had as stability during this time has been the tall gentleman and running.

And even the running has been rocky. I ran 4 marathons this year, which, for me, is a lot. I was signed up for 7, but dropped out of 2: St. George because I didn't want to leave my sick cat, and Humboldt (which was supposed to be my 10th marathon on my birthday), also because I didn't want to leave my sick cat. I decided to drop out of CIM, too, because I didn't know where things were going to be with Chachi or how much time I'd get to devote to training. But a few long runs with good friends helped me realize that I wanted to keep running through the bad stuff in life. They helped me see that CIM might not be a goal race for me this year, but it sure sounded like a fun weekend. 

And right after I posted that CIM was back on, I got injured.

I-i-i-injured 
 
Now, I pride myself in knocking on wood about never getting injured FAR too often. I don't cross train, I don't weight train, I don't stretch, I don't foam roll, I really don't do anything except pound the concrete sidewalks of San Francisco day after day after day after day after day after day. When I do get "injured," most of my injuries go away if I run through them smartly. In more extreme cases, I can generally take a week off & then start back up again without consequence. Well, I hate to admit it, but I think after all these years, it's finally caught up with me.

Until recently, I was averaging about 45-50 miles a week all year. So far, for the entire month of November, I've hit 36.84. Most of these were test runs where I went out a mile, and then turned around and came back because I've been in so much pain. A number of them involved me turning off my watch and walking home.

My last long run was 21 miles on 10/27 with these fine ladies. During this run I stopped to stretch my hip about 829312 times. Since then, my longest run has been a slow 6 MILES. Wah wah. 

Having this cursed self-effacing I DON'T NEED HELP personality type, I haven't had an official diagnosis on what is wrong with my hip. (If you want my best guess, I'd say it's tendonitis or some abnormally tight hip flexor that is throwing everything out of wack, from my lower back to my upper thigh to my knee.) I've rested, I've stretched, I've foam rolled, I've taken pain relievers, I've iced, I've heated, I've tried new shoes. Nothing has helped. 

I finally broke down and made a doctor appointment, but I can't get in until next Friday, December 7th. 

So where does that leave me until then?

CIM Goals
Source
With all this said, the second half of this year has not been my favorite. I'm ready to move on and start some good stuff again. I've dropped out of so many races this year (for good reasons, I admit), but I'm sick of feeling like I'm taking the easy way out. I'm sick of feeling like I've given up on myself.

And so with CIM in mind, I have just one goal: Cross the finish line.

I'm aware I am injured and this could be my dumbest idea ever. I am aware that after a month of logging essentially NO time on my feet, my lungs feel so fatigued when I go up even a flight of stairs. Thus, I'm playing around with the run 2 miles/walk 1 mile idea. I also am aware it's supposed to monsoon and I could be out there for a dangerously long time.

So go ahead and tell me that this is a bad idea, or, better yet, please encourage me to do it.

But I promise you, my dear Internet friends, I have to at least try. If I DNF, fine. If it takes me 5 hours and 59 minutes, perfect. But I need to end this year doing something I can be proud of attempting. Something I can say I pulled myself through and didn't give up on. I want to run my 10th marathon on CIM's 30th anniversary.

I'd like to cross the CIM finish line with Chachi In Memory.

Lil Chach

I want to push myself to attempt something big to believe in myself again. 

I'm ready to move on, heal in a number of ways, and make next year a strong one. Thanks for following me on my journey. 

43 comments:

  1. Ahhhh, lady, if I were better at words, I would say something lovely and witty here.

    I've no doubt you can finish CIM, and that you'll do so with grace.

    I hope to see you this weekend (I'm beginning to think you're a mystical unicorn). My offer stands, prancing and taking pictures is pretty grand :).

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    1. A mystical unicorn would be soooo much cooler to meet than little old me! I'll see you at the pizza place, yes??

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  2. Yikes. That's a rough year. :(

    Good luck at CIM. I am Chachi is looking down on you and purring, regardless of the outcome. <3

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  3. *hug* I'd make the same decision. But I can also be the person that is too stubborn to DNF too, so what do I know? Sorry about all the shit hitting the fan at the same time. CIM could be the turning point you're looking for.

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    1. Thanks Karen. I am hoping my stupid stubbornness will get me to the finish line and do me some good in this situation!

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear about Chachi, I had no idea. He had a great mommy that made sure he had a wonderful life and can rest peacefully now.

    Have fun at CIM! I have faith in you - and you will be surrounded by great friends so hopefully will be a good weekend.

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    1. Thanks, Audrey. I just hope I did enough for him, you know?

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  5. Oh A. I'm so sorry this year has been so tough. My heart goes out to you on your loss. You sound just like me when I ran MCM. OF course you can finish. You're too stubborn not to. I'll be cheering for you.

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    1. Nothing like a little anger-running to make us feel better, huh? ;) Really, I do hope my stubbornness can serve me some good here.

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  6. Hi Alyssa,

    Have you tried ART? After my first treatment I felt like a million bucks!!! That might be the band-aid you need to get you through this race and then you can work on physical therapy to strengthen areas like the hip flexors, IT band, etc.

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    1. Thanks, Susan! I actually have some ART/chiro appointments next week. I just hope I make it to then. ;)

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  7. I am sorry that the last couple of months have been less than ideal. That just means that 2013 will be a great year for you.
    Be careful at CIM, but have fun too. You will be able to cross the finish line, I know that you are capable of that. You are strong and you will do great. Good luck!

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  8. So sorry about your cat and job! :( I think your goal for CIM is great and I hope you have fun and enjoy yourself. I'm so so so bummed I can't run. This was going to be my number one race all year but after I stopped running at the end of september there was no way I'd get up to speed properly. The furthest I've run since SFM is 8 miles! :oP Anyways, I tweeted this too but have you checked out a chiro? I've always been able to get in right away and last year found that having my hips adjusted fixed an issue I wa shaving with my hamstring. I was off balance and favoring one leg and developing tendonitis.

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    1. if memory serves me correct, you have a pretttty good reason you havent run more than 8 miles! ;)

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  9. I know you are making the right decision for you and support you every step of the way! Good luck this weekend - I'll be cheering you on (and so will Chachi!).

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  10. Good luck this weekend. I live in Sac, so if you want to meet up, let me know! :)

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  11. Enjoy the race! It sounds like a fun weekend minus the weather :o I am sure Chachi would be proud of you. :)

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  12. Good luck this weekend, I hope you're able to have a great race and also have fun.

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  13. Big hugs! You're going to finish, and I'm sure it will be tough at times, but if anyone can do it, you can. <3

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    1. Thanks, Cate. I'm excited for CIM this weekend... can't wait to see how it goes for you!

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  14. totally giving you a hug through the interwebs..........

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    1. Thanks, Pavey. Best of luck on your 50 miler (!) this weekend. :)

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  15. Well I was just about to suggest a chiropractor, but I saw in the comments that you already have an appointment. GOOD!

    It has been a rough year. You've lost, you've grieved, and you owe it to yourself to move forward now.

    That "Chachi in Memory" just brought a little tear to my eye. <3

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  16. Go run your ass off. Lots of hugs to you.

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    1. If by run my ass off, you mean walk through a monsoon... you've got it. ;)

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  17. Run! I'll be rooting for you all the way! You are awesome!

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    1. I'm also really sorry about Chachi. It is a tough loss. I feel for you.

      I was planning to skip CIM even though I'm sighed up due to my total busy schedule lately and lack of running. But, if you want running company, I could change my mind and run it. But I tend to talk too much when I run with people so you don't want me anywhere near.

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    2. Thanks, Tim! I have about 2987012 people I know who are also running & I think I just want to be alone (mostly because I will be walking a lot and don't want to feel pressure from anyone.). But you should still run it anyway!

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  18. I am so sorry about Chachi. So sad for you. He looked utterly beautiful. Love the C.I.M idea.

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    1. He was beautiful... the best friend ever.

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  19. Chachi would be proud. Now go run your heart out!

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    1. Excited to see your cheery face out there!

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  20. Yes! Chachi in memory! And I'm so sorry about your injury! I am happy to hear you are getting checked out though. Know that many of us are thinking about you and Chachi, and rooting for you.

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    1. Thank you, Katie. This means a lot.

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  21. So sorry to hear about your cat :( Run for him and have fun out there!

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